the nightmare that is me

The Nightmare that Is Me.
_________________

I once thought it
was The Nightmares
that kept me going;
but now I realize
it's the possibility of
living a better Dream
which compels me
to proceed, in spite
of the Nightmare that
Is Me.

The Nightmare that
is Me was born before
it's Rightful Season,..
such a hungry little thing...
knowing neither rhyme
nor reason;
abducted from
A Universal King!
(in what became an
act of Treason.)

Few Stars are Here,
but fewer make it
greater for Man to
thus appreciate.

Those who wander a
World of tears, with
footsteps  intent on
reaching Heavens Gate!

I once thought it was
The nightmares keeping
me going, roaming this
life in search of a meaning
that strikes me as TRUE.


But I realize within
myself a Higher Light!
(ignited now by better
dreams of You.)

J.Stephen.H.

A Letter to The Hopelessly Hopeful.

A Letter to the
Hopelessly Hopeful.
__________________

To: The Shy Girl
sitting in the Corner
smiling away her
tears...wishing she
had half-a-chance...

I Understand...for
My Heart Knows
Poverty equally...


"Will Fortune ever
ask Us to Dance?!"

(I hope so with a
passion few can
see.)
_________

To: The dirty Man
wandering lonely
Streets...

I too Sir am
A Wanderer.

(but the "Street"
exists inside of
me.)

and The World cannot
spare us any Change
Today!

(Such Change must
come internally.)

________________

To: The Mother with
Tear Stained Pillows,
who went to Bed Hungry
so her Kids could have
more Food...

There are few Angels
Nobler than You...

And May faith in Better
Things to Come help
you through your
Midnight Solitude!
_____________

To: That quiet kid
nobody understands,..
walking fearfully down
the halls at school;
cringing at the thought
of a bully's punch.

Those Blows can
never beat you...
if you keep your
head above the Fools!

(and your Future will
provide a Better
Lunch.)

_____________

To: Anyone who feels
that Hope has Faded...
And Life is a misplaced
series of Hells...

I Too have been cynical,
and Jaded..

(but have found that
Hope exists
within The Self.)

ENDURE...

J.Stephen.H.

A Bottle Full of Evil.

A Bottle Full of Evil.

____________________

Heartbreak never broke
so much of him as this.
Just as Daylight never ceased
so much as now.

To think one could become
dependent on a Kiss!
(even if it be upon The Brow.)

She left without a single parting
word.

Packed her bags and headed
for the door.

And took with Her the best
thing in his Universe.
(with  a poorly written note left
on the floor.)
______________

There is honesty in Whiskey
one scarcely experiences in
People.

But it brings the Devil out
and sharpens Misery.

His last resort...a Bottle full
of Evil!

(and a head full of True
Loves Dying Screams.)

______________

Heartbreak never broke so
much of him as this.

Just as darkness in his Head
leaves seldom now.

To think, The things we sacrifice
for a kiss.

(even if it be upon the Brow.)

Smoking My Life By.

Smoking My Life By.
____________

I'm sitting at
The Table
drinking Coffee,
and Smoking;
Smoking My
Life By.

Wondering if
Perhaps My
Angel was't
Joking?
(When it
told me I
had Devils
Deep Inside.)

Crazier Shit
Happens, that's
for certain.
Sadder Things
Too.

Like Memories
peeking back
Through Deaths
Black Curtain.
(reminding me
of Better Times
With You.)

For All of Me
I cannot fathom
Why.

Or Explain in
Rational Terms
The Presence of
Ones Afterlife.

Yet I know it
in My Head that
Ghost's are True.

I've believed long
since the Moment
that I died!

(From Smoking My
Life By.)

J.Stephen.H.

The Horrors Of Anti-Me

The Horror of Anti-Me. _____________ Out of All of Life's Odd Mysteries, few compare in Horror, to The Existence of Anti-Me; That Shadow of Self, consuming all that One is. (or Could Ever Be.) The Mind, equated with Verse, carries Within an Alternate. A Living (parenthetic) Remark, capable of Existing as an Afterthought while feeding simultaneously off of Leading Context. ______ and I Feel Pieces of Myself Being Eaten by The Anti-Me, during moments of Wakeful Sleep; Harmony seasoned with Irony, down it's hateful gullet goes. Then there is The Soul, (which I traded for Creativity) lost in an uncertain Sea of Demonic Sorrows!! ________ Out of all The Riddles of Ones Self; Few compare to The Mystery of Anti-Me. Which some would declare a Shadow of Hell! (But I'd suggest Ones Better Half Most Likely.) j.stephen.h

Night before Christmas . (ghetto parody)

Night Before Christmas.
(ghetto Parody.)
_________________

Twas the night before
christmas, and all through
the hood; not a cracker
was stirring.
(not even eastwood.)

The meth-lab was
built by the chimney
with care; in hope
that the fumes would
not strike up a flare.

The children all hid
beneath dirty old sheets,
afraid to make noise,
lest their asses get beat.

And I in my boxers,
and ma in her cap,
had just settle down
for a nice hit of crack.

When all of a sudden
there came such a bang,
that I ran from the room,
saying what the f?ck?..dang!

Down Through the Chimney
Like a crazy ass fellow,
came that Jolly Elf Burning
like a Crispy Marshmallow.


He ran tripped through the
House screaming "What the
Hell Dude?"

But From my mouth only
came:" I pay good stamps
for that Food!"

He knocked the lab over,
and set it aflame, and I
swear that no Christmas
was ever this lame.

Then Up Through the
Chimney he returned
double fast; screaming:

I'll get you for This,
Kiss My Jolly Red Ass!

j.s.h.

And So Here We Are.

and so here we are. _________________

And so here were are.

Another secret page,

( never to be read.)

reminiscent of

similar chapters.

(now lost within

my Head.)

I would ask about
the Weather,
but I know you'd
never tell;
and it never
changes anyway.
(for those confined
to Hell.)

I saw a Star last
night that reminded
me of you;
it was crashing from
The Heavens leaving
fiery trails of Blue.

Wishing would be
pointless though,
considering the
gravity of things;
so I swallowed
down my sorrow
and gave thanks
it wasn't me.
(who fell so Far.)

And so Here we Are.
Another chapter
closed in Lifes book
of sad Regrets.
Reminiscent of
Similar Chapters.
(Now lost within
my Head.)

j.s.h.

Like For Like.

Like For Like.
__________

I shall become Silence.
Like for Like.. so that
nothing is ventured,
gained, or taken from
this.

Essentially the same
as I was.
(before dreaming
of Her Kiss.)

A Man more Hollow
than T.S. Eliot could
have imagined.
(A Nightmare Being
seldom fathomed.)

Something No Better
(or worse) than this
Indifferent World.

(I've always thought
to Be a Curse.)

j.s.h. (unfortunately..)

The Fisher of Night.

The Fisher of  Night
knows the haunted hearts
of men. (his own being so
corrupted.)

He tends and feeds them.
(pieces of himself as bait.)

You might see him from
time to time. If ever you
scream evil words, or
walk The Crooked Line.
(yet by then it's Too Late.)

The Fisher is A Reflection
of everything Negative we
Dream into This Life.

A Nightmare walking
The Waking Hours,
repaying Strife for Strife.

Many have fallen by
his Word. Though others
choose to See The Light,
turning their Evil Tides
towards Right.

Regardless...
Beware the Fisher
of The Night.
(for all are bait
within his Sight.)

J.Stephen.H.

This Petty Meat-suit.

A Ghost..Yes.
The Ghost of
Freedom Chained.

The Sad Roar
of A New Slave
to Old Ideas!
(Philosophies
Dead and Vain.)

From the Moment
Heavens Heathen
Fell, and crashed
into the Pits of Hell;
Liberty was perceived
a Restless thing man
sought to recapture.
(yet wisdom in itself
could not dispel the
horrors that came after.)

A Ghost!
Yes!
The Ghost
of Spirit sewn
into the weakness
of this Petty Meat-suit.

Seeking warmth
and tenderness.
(but finding Chaos
more than Truth.)

J.Stephen.H.

One Simple Friend

One Simple Friend.
________________


The snickers feel like razorblades upon his skin,..
cutting past all inner defenses...
stripping away the layers of ego, until his heart
seems painfully thin.

He makes his face a stone,..biting back retorts
that would serve only as fuel upon the fire;
and then moves to another table to be alone.
(thoughts swimming with vengeful desire.)

Rage and desperation are a terrible mix,..
two rabid dogs tied together in a fight to
the death.

While He is The Executioner,...
with a gun for a crucifix.
(and the world shall burn
till nothings left.)

Freak!...Geek!...Nerd!...
A daily mantra of hateful
words.

Slaps to the head...
and trips in the hallways;
with never a smile seen...,
or compliment heard.
_____________

"it's Me or them." he cries.
"me or them!" ..(he repeats
with a laugh.)

Perhaps One Simple Friend
could have prevent the Blasts?
__________________
2
Monster!...Animal...Fiend!
A new mantra of labels to describe
this Being.

A cell in isolation,...with
long nights spent scratching
blank faces on concrete walls;..
and hateful looks of silent
accusation.
(as wails of prisoners echo
down the hall.)

Perhaps One simple Friend
could have prevented his fall?
__________________

Who is the Monster here?
The geeky, nerdy freak who had
the goodness beaten out of him?

a sad, quiet kid who wanted
more than anything just to fit in!!

(Perhaps his World would not
have burned, if One Simple Friend
had listened.)

J.Stephen.H
.

Uncertain Spirits

Uncertain Spirits. 
____________ 

In a Secret 
Place Within Me, 
(where uncertain 
spirits dwell.) 
I feel a grim 
hostility. 
(which makes Heavens 
Love My Hell.) 

I Try to See, 
(beyond The Dark) 
a Better Place 
than This; 
but something was 
Broken In My Heart. 
(and Poisoned By a Kiss.) 

For my Only Friend 
in this Dark Land, 
(with a smile that 
pierced the Night) 
became a hateful 
Hired Hand. 
(who thrusted 
Daggers in my Spine.) 

Thus Love and Hate 
walk hand in hand, 
(like children by 
The River.) 
One shall be The 
Death of Man! 
(and the other my 
Soul Deliver.) 

j.stephen.h.